Posted by
mike854
on 4/24/2009 12:13:47 AM
college days Read Story...
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Posted by
WineFan
6/16/2008
The Lost Art Of The Handjob
Let me just start off by saying that I am not placing the handjob on a pedestal. A handjob is not a replacement for a blowjob or for some nice vagina lovin'. I'm just saying the handjob has gotten a bad rap over the years, and I am here to get it back in the limelight.
Most people's argument for not liking the handjob is, "well, why would I want something I can do myself," or "I'd rather have a blowjob," or "I'm not in middle school anymore."
You're looking at it all wrong. Look at it differently for a second.
Let's assign dollar values to the three main sexual releases for the man. We'll make sex worth a million dollars, a blowjob a hundred grand, and a handjob 100 bucks.
Now, if someone were to give you 100 bucks, are you going to be really happy about it, or are you going to piss and moan that it's not a million bucks? I thought so.
Obviously, there's a stigma that comes with the handjob, and I think that's because it was prevalent in middle school and high school, and let's face it, they weren't all that fulfilling. My argument is this -- in middle school and high school, no one knew what they were doing with the penis. Hell, I still don't know what I'm doing with mine.
So in an effort to bring back the handjob, I'm here to offer some helpful tips that should come in handy. Pun intended:
Lube Is Your Friend: Clearly dry skin on dry skin is no way to go here. You're going to want to get some nice lotion or scented oil to coat your penis with. For me, you can't go wrong with the scented oil, and the scent I prefer is something seafood-based. I like to pretend I'm at the beach for high tide during all handjob-related encounters.
Idle Hands Are Evil: Ignore this if you are a girl with only one arm. Skip down. But for those of you with two hands, your free hand is very important. I know what you're thinking -- you think I'm going to mention how you should always play with the balls. WRONG. I mean, yeah, work the balls in there. But that free hand should be put to better use. Like stroking the penis. Guys feel much better about themselves if it seems like the girl needs two hands to pet his massive cock. Even if you only need one hand, just trick him by working the second hand into the equation. A little *SLIDE* of hand, if you will.
The Element of Surprise: Think of the handjob like the Japanese air force in World War II. The only way we were going to get fucked up in that situation is if we didn't see those damn Japs coming. Same goes for the handjob. It's really only going to work if we don't see it coming. Then you will see us coming.
The Element of Surprise 2: The handjob is also like real estate -- it's all about location, location, location. Work in the surprise handjob at a restaurant, in the upper deck at a ballgame, maybe even a movie theatre. Just know that when you are using the smoked-salmon scented oil, it's going to get noticed during a screening of Basic Instinct 2. Actually, no it won't, because no one will be in the theater for that movie. But you get the point. Also, if you are going to go with the sneak-attack handjob, the restaurant is the best place. Just do your homework and make sure seafood is on the menu.
Talk to the Man: Tell us how big our dicks are while you're doing it. We love that. Sure, *I'LL* know you're lying, but still. I don't mind having smoke blown up my ass during a handjob.
Don't Blow Smoke Up My Ass: I meant that as a metaphor. The logistics would be really weird too.
Take The Handjob As A Challenge: Even with all of these helpful hints, a handjob is going to take longer than a blowjob. I know some girls who are so proud of their blowjob skills and love mentioning how they can get a guy off in under five minutes. Well, if you're so fucking good, get me off in less than five minutes with nothing but your hand and some caviar. I bet you can't. Me and my stopwatch will be waiting.
So there you go. I've done everything I can to bring the HJ back. If any of you ladies are interested in a more hands-on lesson (pun intended again!) we can set up a personal appointment.
My only fee for these lessons -- a blowjob.
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 on 3/25/2009 1:45:56 PM
You had me Read Story...
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Posted by
WineFan
6/16/2008
The Lost Art Of The Handjob
Let me just start off by saying that I am not placing the handjob on a pedestal. A handjob is not a replacement for a blowjob or for some nice vagina lovin'. I'm just saying the handjob has gotten a bad rap over the years, and I am here to get it back in the limelight.
Most people's argument for not liking the handjob is, "well, why would I want something I can do myself," or "I'd rather have a blowjob," or "I'm not in middle school anymore."
You're looking at it all wrong. Look at it differently for a second.
Let's assign dollar values to the three main sexual releases for the man. We'll make sex worth a million dollars, a blowjob a hundred grand, and a handjob 100 bucks.
Now, if someone were to give you 100 bucks, are you going to be really happy about it, or are you going to piss and moan that it's not a million bucks? I thought so.
Obviously, there's a stigma that comes with the handjob, and I think that's because it was prevalent in middle school and high school, and let's face it, they weren't all that fulfilling. My argument is this -- in middle school and high school, no one knew what they were doing with the penis. Hell, I still don't know what I'm doing with mine.
So in an effort to bring back the handjob, I'm here to offer some helpful tips that should come in handy. Pun intended:
Lube Is Your Friend: Clearly dry skin on dry skin is no way to go here. You're going to want to get some nice lotion or scented oil to coat your penis with. For me, you can't go wrong with the scented oil, and the scent I prefer is something seafood-based. I like to pretend I'm at the beach for high tide during all handjob-related encounters.
Idle Hands Are Evil: Ignore this if you are a girl with only one arm. Skip down. But for those of you with two hands, your free hand is very important. I know what you're thinking -- you think I'm going to mention how you should always play with the balls. WRONG. I mean, yeah, work the balls in there. But that free hand should be put to better use. Like stroking the penis. Guys feel much better about themselves if it seems like the girl needs two hands to pet his massive cock. Even if you only need one hand, just trick him by working the second hand into the equation. A little *SLIDE* of hand, if you will.
The Element of Surprise: Think of the handjob like the Japanese air force in World War II. The only way we were going to get fucked up in that situation is if we didn't see those damn Japs coming. Same goes for the handjob. It's really only going to work if we don't see it coming. Then you will see us coming.
The Element of Surprise 2: The handjob is also like real estate -- it's all about location, location, location. Work in the surprise handjob at a restaurant, in the upper deck at a ballgame, maybe even a movie theatre. Just know that when you are using the smoked-salmon scented oil, it's going to get noticed during a screening of Basic Instinct 2. Actually, no it won't, because no one will be in the theater for that movie. But you get the point. Also, if you are going to go with the sneak-attack handjob, the restaurant is the best place. Just do your homework and make sure seafood is on the menu.
Talk to the Man: Tell us how big our dicks are while you're doing it. We love that. Sure, *I'LL* know you're lying, but still. I don't mind having smoke blown up my ass during a handjob.
Don't Blow Smoke Up My Ass: I meant that as a metaphor. The logistics would be really weird too.
Take The Handjob As A Challenge: Even with all of these helpful hints, a handjob is going to take longer than a blowjob. I know some girls who are so proud of their blowjob skills and love mentioning how they can get a guy off in under five minutes. Well, if you're so fucking good, get me off in less than five minutes with nothing but your hand and some caviar. I bet you can't. Me and my stopwatch will be waiting.
So there you go. I've done everything I can to bring the HJ back. If any of you ladies are interested in a more hands-on lesson (pun intended again!) we can set up a personal appointment.
My only fee for these lessons -- a blowjob.
|
She was taking her time Read Story...
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Posted by
coupleonymphos27
4/12/2009
In response to the question that's been floating around about craziest place
Would definitely have to say in our senior year of high school me and Jay did it on stage in the schools auditorium but close second was driving down route 40 on a saturday night on our way home from what used to be the Blue Lagoon glad we didn't get pulled over or crash the car (ahhhh fond memories )
Oh and BTW Happy Easter All
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 on 3/23/2009 4:04:55 AM
valentines day adventures (part 1 of a 4 part story) Read Story...
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Posted by
coupleonymphos27
4/12/2009
In response to the question that's been floating around about craziest place
Would definitely have to say in our senior year of high school me and Jay did it on stage in the schools auditorium but close second was driving down route 40 on a saturday night on our way home from what used to be the Blue Lagoon glad we didn't get pulled over or crash the car (ahhhh fond memories)
Oh and BTW Happy Easter All
|
 on 3/23/2009 4:04:32 AM
valentines day adventures (part 2) Read Story...
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Posted by
coupleonymphos27
4/12/2009
In response to the question that's been floating around about craziest place
Would definitely have to say in our senior year of high school me and Jay did it on stage in the schools auditorium but close second was driving down route 40 on a saturday night on our way home from what used to be the Blue Lagoon glad we didn't get pulled over or crash the car (ahhhh fond memories)
Oh and BTW Happy Easter All
|
valentines day adventures (part 3) Read Story...
|
Posted by
coupleonymphos27
4/12/2009
In response to the question that's been floating around about craziest place
Would definitely have to say in our senior year of high school me and Jay did it on stage in the schools auditorium but close second was driving down route 40 on a saturday night on our way home from what used to be the Blue Lagoon glad we didn't get pulled over or crash the car (ahhhh fond memories)
Oh and BTW Happy Easter All
|
valentines day adventures (part 4 the conclusion) Read Story...
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Posted by
katdognow
 on 3/17/2009 7:59:37 AM
Enjoying A Big, Black And Beautiful Bi Experiance Read Story...
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Posted by
sunlover19635
4/16/2009
In the cary, nc area for a few week, off on Fridays/ |
Sensual Deprivation Read Story...
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Posted by
LynneCanton
 on 12/28/2008 4:22:43 AM
Business Trip Read Story...
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mike854
on 4/24/2009 12:13:47 AM
coupleonymphos27
Post Erotic Story